I lost my phone. Again. For the second time in two months.
I’m quitting my job.
I’m about to turn down an opportunity that should’ve come 4 months ago. An opportunity I’m sure will boost my career in this soon-to-be-my-ex-employer company.
The deadlines for Total Scholarship & Erasmus Mundus are coming but I haven’t prepared a single thing.
I have no money for taking TOEFL iBT.

I’m screwed.
My life is screwed up.
Now I’m getting good at screwing things up.
I should put that on my CV.

October is coming up and it sure will be my happiest month of every year!

The recently passed Ramadhan was a better one, compared to previous year. It might not be the Prophet’s Ramadhan, but I made some progress that I’m happy & proud of. I really do wish Allah give me the opportunity to experience another Ramadhan next year. (Yes, people! I myself typed the last sentence! You see how much this Ramadhan changed me? Bwahahahaha….)

And since Idul Fitri is still all around, I’d like to say:

Happy Eid Mubarak. Taqabbalallahu minna wa minkum.

Also, I humbly ask your forgiveness for the rudeness, lousiness and lack of intellectuality in my writings, for my made-up words, unessential contents, my messy English, and most of all, for making this blog.

Anyone want to buy me the gorgeous cupcakes from Mom’s Kitchen? It’s never too late, you know….

Then, after 11 months of dwelling in the dark world of prostitution, I came clean by filing my resignation. No, I have nobody, not a single company, ready to hijack me. It’s purely for personal reasons, regarding my over-anxiety for the future and tiredness for almost-all-year being emos about my job.

This is not an overnight decision, although some might say some of the best decisions are made without thinking. Well, this one is definitely NOT! You don’t have to know everything I’ve been through, but BELLLIIIEEEVE ME, it IS one hard decision, particularly for me. Even so, I have my entire family & friends on my back and thank God for that. Talking about friends, I recently found some kind of “circle of trust” between my friends in the office, it makes me feel a bit sad to leave my current office. I keep thinking, “Why not from 6 months ago?” But, it’s still something to cherish, not to regret. And I do hope you guys (yes, I’m talking to you!) can find your own happiness in this seem-like-endless future-finding thing.

Well, oh, well. The journey’s not over. This is indeed a new beginning and I gotta get ready! I may think I have gone some serious life, but the cat says:

you think you’ve flown before, but you ain’t left the ground…

Bad things are inevitable, since life sucks as it usually does, but I’m sure that the best is yet to come. Can’t wait!

P.S.

I’ve thought about this a lot. For those of you who would want to buy me presents for my birthday, books will be best. But, if you pick from this list, you’re my bestest!

Api Sejarah by Ahmad Mansur Suryanegara
Dan Brown’s “The Lost Symbol”
Pramoedya Ananta Toer’s “Tetralogi Pulau Buru”, or anything except “Gadis Pantai” & “Larasati”
any books by Haruki Murakami and Chuck Palahniuk (not in Bahasa, please..)

Let’s just move on and forget about it.

Idul Fitri 1993

Idul Fitri 2001

Idul Fitri 2006

Idul Fitri 2007

Idul fitri 2008

Posted in Lifeworld Tagged: Oh The Family Drama ]]> http://anasthaeka.wordpress.com/2009/09/21/no-family-picture-this-year/feed/ 1 eKa Idul Fitri 1993 Idul Fitri 2001 Idul Fitri 2006 Idul Fitri 2007 Idul fitri 2008 http://anasthaeka.wordpress.com/2009/07/30/and-i-still/ http://anasthaeka.wordpress.com/2009/07/30/and-i-still/#comments Thu, 30 Jul 2009 04:51:51 +0000 anastha http://anasthaeka.wordpress.com/?p=565 ]]>

This day, a year ago, I knew that a so-called real life was waiting for me as the result of my thesis presentation was announced: Graduated Cum Laude. That was a pretty good start, wasn’t it? But I surely didn’t know what I wanted. Though my passion had been in finance & banking, I was reluctant to start a career there, ‘cause the long contract and the commitment for not getting married while still contracted. So I basically took anything that caught my eyes. From Account Executives to Marketing Research. But not sales! Definitely not sales. A slight hope then came from H bank where I got to the final stage of recruitment process. Sadly, I failed that, too. Then finally, this current job came along with a pretty good salary, a promise that I could put my background in finance into good use, and a certain effort to study Balanced Scorecard.

Now this day, a year after my graduation, I still don’t know what I want. Do I still have that so much passion in finance? Do I still want to get a change of career to banking? Do I still want to teach at a university? Do I still want to work here? They’re like the eternal questions that can’t be answered.

But I do still want to live in Jakarta. However, when I’m forced to go back to Bandung, I’d want a career as a college professor. In order to have that, I’ve got to have a Master’s degree, which currently impossible without a scholarship. Although, either I’ll teach or not, I still must have a Master’s degree.  But it feels so hard for me to make time preparing for scholarship right now. After all, now that I know what it’s like to have my own source of income, it’s kind of hard to imagine not to.

So a year has passed, and I’m still in square one. Still figuring out what my life should be, where I should take my steps to. This past year, I feel like running on a treadmill. Your feet move, you see that counter adds up, you feel exhausted, but you’re not going anywhere. I want to stop whining, because I commit myself not to regret things. I need to figure out my life, how it has been and how it will be. I need it ASAP, so that this day, a year from now, I could be somewhere I do belong*.

*P.S: I hope it’s somewhere in US or Netherland, taking a Master’s degree in Financial Risk Management

Don’t judge a book by its cover.

But don’t you think a good book deserves a good cover?

June 8 – 10, 2009 – Mode: shuffle & repeat

Son’s Gonna Rise – Citizen Cope
Glad Girls – Guided by Voices
Starz In Their Eyes – Just Jack
Summerboy – Lady Gaga
Beat It – Michael Jackson
Crushcrushcrush – Paramore (Live from Chicago)
Cuddle Fuddle – Passion Pit
Sleepyhead – Passion Pit
Consolation Prizes – Phoenix
Hurry Up Let’s Go – Shout Out Louds

Michael Jackson a.k.a. The King of Pop slash The King of Plastic Surgery was reported dead after arriving coma at UCLA Medical Center, from what seems like a cardiac arrest. Despite the speculation that he might have died several years ago, the fact that his legendary plastic surgery has failed him, the child molesting issue, and the downfall of his carrer, he definitely will be missed by billions of people around the world. This makes everyone, including me, playing his old hits today (Beat It is the best!) and recalling our memories about him.

Well, it’s time to say goodbye, MJ! You may be GONE TOO SOON, but remember, YOU’RE NOT ALONE ‘cos we’ll keep on ROCK WITH YOU till the end!

P.S. : The photo is not mine. Please forgive me, I stole from a website. Click picture to follow link

This week’s playlist on my iTunes:

June 22 – 27, 2009 – Mode: shuffle & repeat

Won’t Let Me Go by Amos Lee
Our Swords by Band of Horses
Anytime by Brian McKnight
Quickly by John Legend ft Brandy
If You Leave by Musiq Soulchild ft Mary J. Blidge
Won’t Stop by One Republic
Decode by Paramore
I Caught Myself by Paramore
This One (Crying Like a Child) by Utada Hikaru
All Good Things by The Weepies

What’s yours?

“The great moments of your life won’t necessarily be the things you do. They’ll also be the things that happen to you. No, I’m not saying you can’t take action to affect the outcome of your life. You have to take action. And you will. But never forget that on any day, you could step out the front door and your whole life can change forever.

You see, the universe has a plan, kids. And that plan is always in motion. A butterfly flaps its wings and it starts to rain. It’s a scary thought, but it’s also kind of wonderful. All these little parts of the machine constantly working, making sure that you end up exactly where you’re supposed to be, exactly when you’re supposed to be there. The right place, at the right time.”

- Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother
Season 4 Episode 22: Right Place Right Time